By Priscilla Pittman, MSW, MA
Anger is a warning sign that something is wrong and resolution is needed. When the warning signs are ignored others may not know what has bothered us and we are likely to respond with self-destructive behaviors such as over-eating, spending, etc.
A common refrain among experipenced caregivers is: “You certainly find out who your friends are!”
Stuffing anger can also be destructive and can lead to stress and stress related illnesses. Why? When we are angry the adrenal glands flood the body with stress hormones that include adrenaline and cortisol. Anger initiates the “flight or fight” syndrome by limiting the blood flow to the gut and using this blood to prepare the leg and arm muscles to run or take a fighter’s stance. Additional preparation accelerates the breath, heart rate, blood pressure, and body temperature.
When the anger or stress response is infrequent the body recovers and levels return to normal. But a constant demand on the body’s defense mechanisms can result in health problems such as:
- Headache
- Digestive problems, abdominal pain
- Insomnia
- Increased anxiety
- Depression
- High blood pressure
- Eczema or other skin problems
- Heart attack or stroke
According to Ronald Potter-Efron, PhD, an anger management specialist in Wisconsin, the neurological process that triggers anger lasts less than two seconds. Extending an anger response beyond that brief jolt takes a commitment.
Commitment, so it is our responsibility. What do we need to learn?
- Sidestep the temptation to vent until time has allowed us to evaluate our anger.
- Was this a response to danger? Was someone’s welfare threatened? Hesitancy is not warranted here. This situation requires a swift response.
- Was this an effort to have a problem recognized, diagnosed and solved? Are your questions or concerns going unanswered? Anger that is properly expressed may fuel a response.
- Did anger occur because of a rule or law violation? Is the problem due to our expectations? Unclear rules? Or has the rule or law not been dealt with consistently. Is this a violation of a social code such as “It is rude to continue personal cell phone conversations on speaker phone in a public place.” Frequently, people have not met our expectations. They may not have knowledge of a legal ordinance or may have different perceptions of proper and improper.
- Were we angry because of our misperceptions? Are we a one-person mafia making our “truth” heard? Self examination is important. We may have personal rules we believe are spiritual and moral imperatives. This may be well and good for us, but we cannot demand the same of others.
- Be aware, anger may be used as a coping device to protect us from the truth. We may be unaware of why we respond in anger and it may take a large shovel to unearth the “truth.”
- We may have learned our anger management skills from our parents. Pay attention to what causes anger and recognize the response.
- What can we do? Reacting appropriately to anger is a learned behavior designed to keep from hurting yourself or others with words or actions that may have long-term implications. Fortunately, we can learn new responses and with practice can manage to produce healthier, happier relationships. Continue to remind yourself that anger is not bad it does have a purpose; the problem with anger is our response.
What are your coping mechanisms? Walking? It depends on where you are; you can’t go for a walk when attending a meeting or at work. Try these coping tools:
- Count to 10 slowly
- Take a prayer or meditation break
- Use Dr Weil’s breathing exercise. Inhale through the nostrils, deeply into the diaphragm for the count of four, hold it for the count of seven and release slowly by exhaling through your mouth for the count of eight. Do this three times
- Go to a quiet spot. Close your eyes and visualize yourself in a calm and peaceful place
- Listen to music
- Later journal the event and record your feelings. It is interesting to read these later, but the biggest reward is the peace obtained when you write about it.
Does anger continue to delete healthy expressions? Make an appointment with your physician or therapist.
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